“Tough Love” ain’t easy March 27, 2009

So I’ve been watching a new reality show, Tough Love, on VH1 and surprisingly it’s very entertaining. Basically, there are 8  women that are looking for love but have yet to find a man. Their issues run the gamut, from the desperate to the insecure, to the icy.  The host, a professional matchmaker, takes these women through a Tough Love “bootcamp” in hopes of better preparing these women to ditch their bad, self-sabotoging love habits and become smarter daters.

On the episode I’m watching now, the ladies were paired up with these personal trainers under the guise that not only should they be emotionally and spiritually fit, but physically fit as well. Turns out these trainers are actually there to test the women of their communications skills and how they do on the first impression.

Here’s how of few of ‘em did: view clip here.

This is really crazy. Instead of talking, Jody (the quintessential Careeris) seems like she’s applying for a job. Big no-no. Unless you’re networking, a guy is generally not interested in hearing your resume, I would assume. I’m no dating pro, but I know you never tell a man “I’ve been hurt before” on the first meeting! Arian (the girl you’d like to sleep with but wouldn’t dare bring home to mom): try again. Like the host said, “Rule #75: Shut your yap!” But for some reason, she seems like she’s acting a lot on this show. Of course, that would never happen on a reality show though (sacarsm). And Stasha, the former Playboy bunny, is just plain scary. Nuff said. Oh, did I mention she was a Playboy model. lol.

Later in the show, Abiola (aka Miss Picky who is absolutely adorable) gets to go on a solo date with a nice chocolate drop. They seem to really be feeling each other. She really reminds me of myself. Not  because she’s black but she portrayed as the type that has a mile-long wish list for the guy of her dreams.  No really, she actually has a hand-written list! That’s definitely me. Check out this clip.

While this is a tv show and for entertainment, women actually do some of these things in real life. I know because I’m one of em! But I’d like to think that I get better with time. Good night!

Shameless Flirting July 15, 2008

A coworker and I went to lunch like we normally do. I took her to a new place. I was staring down at the menu when I heard this deep, sexy voice in my ear. It was our waiter! He was sooo cute. He kept smiling at me and I kept smiling at him. Finally I said, “You are so cute.” He blushed. Then I blushed. It was so cute. But it just feel nice to just feel comfortable enough to flirt. I didn’t have any intentions on taking it any further. He was probably only like 21 but it was fun.

I was looking at another site about how to get back into the dating game. One way was to just strike up a conversation with a guy. So, I tried it. It wasn’t really much of a conversation but a start to build my confidence.

Lessons from “Sex and the City” July 9, 2008

So I went to go see “Sex in the City” tonight . . .by myself. I’ve gone to the movies by myself before but never at night. It was scary and once I got the parking lot, I almost turned around to go home. But I really wanted to see the movie and I decided to go for it. I’m glad I did. It was a great to see one of my small screen favorites on the big screen. I’ve always liked the show because I related in ways to the characters in some ways, though not totally.

Here are my top five lessons learned from the movie:

5. I’m not the only one who’s ever had a “Big” in their life

4. In some situations we need to love ourselves more than others

3. It’s ok to forgive

2. Sometimes when you stop trying, that’s often when you get the thing you want.

1. Love often defies logic

Corny, I know. But fun. The movie was a great first step in dating myself. Next step: dinner alone. That’ll never happen! Nite!

Optimistic June 30, 2008

This weekend went pretty well. I actually got out of the house. Went to Dave and Buster’s, spent day with girlfriend, went to a childhood friend’s jewlry party. Though it’s been hard, I feel like I’m getting back to my old self.

Here’s a little relationship nugget that I read last night:

As soon as there is any kind of deception, stop everything. If you are trying to help someone and he is lying to you in some way, there is no relationship. The whole thing is a farce, and you should not go any further in trying to help the person until you settle the issue of deception. There are no other issues at that point except that one. Trust is everything in a helping relationship, and when it is broken, it becomes the only issue to work on. Either fix that or end the relationship. Where there is deception there is no relationship.

From Boundaries in Dating by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

I’m better, much better June 26, 2008

I like the words in that song by Marvin Sapp, “Never would have made it” . . .

Never would have made it, never could have made it, without you [God]
I would have lost it all, but now I see how you were there for me

And I can say
Never would have made it,
Never could have made it,
Without you

I would have lost it all,
But I now how I see how you were there for me and I can say
I’m stronger, I’m wiser, I’m better,
much better,

When I look back over all you brought me thru.
I can see that you were the one that I held on to

Click here for song.

Last nite was sort of rough but I see the sunshine today. I’m gonna be fine, I’m gonna be happy. I’ll will not let Mr. You-Know-Who steal my joy. I’m deciding to be happy, he’ll have no control over that any longer.

Why do I feel I’m to blame? June 25, 2008

Dear You-know-who,

You’ve been making me feel that I’m to blame. And honestly I’ve been taking it. But no more, at least not today. I put in 110%. You put in, well, about 40%. How can you sit up there and not take any responsibility for your actions. You say I’m sarcastic. Yes, I am because I know that I should leave you alone. You’re not worth my time right now and I deserve better. . . so why do I still feel guilty?

Emotional idiot defined June 20, 2008

This is so me! Read this poem by Maggie Estep:
I’m an Emotional Idiot
so get away from me.
I mean,
COME HERE.

Wait, no,
that’s too close,
give me some space
it’s a big country,
there’s plenty of room,
don’t sit so close to me.

Hey, where are you?
I haven’t seen you in days.
Whadya, having an affair?
Who is she?
Come on,
aren’t I enough for you?

God,
You’re so cold.
I never know what you’re thinking.
You’re not very affectionate.

I mean,
you’re clinging to me,
DON’T TOUCH ME,
what am I, your fucking cat?
Don’t rub me like that.

Don’t you have anything better to do
than sit there fawning over me?

Don’t you have any interests?
Hobbies?
Sailing Fly fishing
Archeology?

There’s an archeology expedition leaving tomorrow
why don’t you go?
I’ll loan you the money,
my money is your money.
my life is your life
my soul is yours
without you I’m nothing.

Move in with me
we’ll get a studio apartment together, save on rent,
well, wait, I mean, a one bedroom,
so we don’t get in each other’s hair or anything
or, well,
maybe a two bedroom
I’ll have my own bedroom,
it’s nothing personal
I just need to be alone sometimes,
you do understand,
don’t you?

Hey, why are you acting distant?

Where you goin’,
was it something I said?
What
What did I do?

I’m an emotional idiot
so get away from me
I mean,
MARRY ME.