“Tough Love” ain’t easy March 27, 2009

So I’ve been watching a new reality show, Tough Love, on VH1 and surprisingly it’s very entertaining. Basically, there are 8  women that are looking for love but have yet to find a man. Their issues run the gamut, from the desperate to the insecure, to the icy.  The host, a professional matchmaker, takes these women through a Tough Love “bootcamp” in hopes of better preparing these women to ditch their bad, self-sabotoging love habits and become smarter daters.

On the episode I’m watching now, the ladies were paired up with these personal trainers under the guise that not only should they be emotionally and spiritually fit, but physically fit as well. Turns out these trainers are actually there to test the women of their communications skills and how they do on the first impression.

Here’s how of few of ‘em did: view clip here.

This is really crazy. Instead of talking, Jody (the quintessential Careeris) seems like she’s applying for a job. Big no-no. Unless you’re networking, a guy is generally not interested in hearing your resume, I would assume. I’m no dating pro, but I know you never tell a man “I’ve been hurt before” on the first meeting! Arian (the girl you’d like to sleep with but wouldn’t dare bring home to mom): try again. Like the host said, “Rule #75: Shut your yap!” But for some reason, she seems like she’s acting a lot on this show. Of course, that would never happen on a reality show though (sacarsm). And Stasha, the former Playboy bunny, is just plain scary. Nuff said. Oh, did I mention she was a Playboy model. lol.

Later in the show, Abiola (aka Miss Picky who is absolutely adorable) gets to go on a solo date with a nice chocolate drop. They seem to really be feeling each other. She really reminds me of myself. Not  because she’s black but she portrayed as the type that has a mile-long wish list for the guy of her dreams.  No really, she actually has a hand-written list! That’s definitely me. Check out this clip.

While this is a tv show and for entertainment, women actually do some of these things in real life. I know because I’m one of em! But I’d like to think that I get better with time. Good night!

Wedding bells August 10, 2008

Not my own, however…I went to a wedding today. I went there with every intention of just going thru the motions and drudging my way thru yet another ceremony. I was also waiting for the barage of questions: “When are you getting married?” or “Are you going to be next?” I only heard it about 3 times, which was a lot less than I expected. But I couldn’t help but just be awed by the wedding; it was just beautiful. The love that the young couple share just seemed to be God-given. Everything was gorgeous from her gown, to the flowers, to the candles, their family, and more. The minister, my former minister, performed a great ceremony. No fluff, and that’s how I think it should be. So, I said all that to say that love was in the air and I definitely caught wind of it. My hope and faith in love and marriage was definitely restored today. With God on my side, I know that He’ll bless me with the right one soon. I’m just going to be prayerful and patient. I’m also going to pray that I’ll be the right one for someone else when the time comes. Good night

Only for a season August 3, 2008

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how sometimes people come into your life your only a short time, a season. Then suddenly they are gone. It reminds me of what I’ve read in Iyanla Vanzant’s book “Acts of Faith.”

When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on. Next!

Letting go July 6, 2008

It’s hard to let go of something or someone that you love and cherish. But sometimes it’s the best thing for you. I read once that not everyone is meant to have a front row seat in your life. That’s so true. But that doesn’t make it any easier to let go of those “unhealthy” people or situations that aren’t good for you. When I go thru these things, I just have to remind myself that I’m “in the meantime” and letting go won’t always hurt so bad in the future. I just pray that God will present me with new opportunities for better relationships and better situations. Waiting is the hard part though.

Taking responsibility for our lives July 2, 2008

So, I cut my hair yesterday. I had one of those Angela Bassett in “Waiting to Exhale” or Gabrielle Union in “Breaking all the Rules” moments. There’s something very liberating about cutting your hair. Sometimes I glance in the mirror and I don’t recognize myself though. : ) I have to admit that it was sort of in rebellion of Mr. You-know-who. He never wanted me to cut my hair. I know, I know. I shouldn’t care what he thinks! But now that it’s summer, it’s time for something fresh to go along with my new attitude.

This is something I read from “Faith in the Valley” by Iyanla Vanzant:

“Nothing in life happens passively. We are completely responsible for every experience we have, because we determine how we will respond. . . .Always remember, no what is going on in your life, it is your responsibility to choose how you respond. This does not mean you will not hurt. This does not translate to you should ignore what you feel. Not being a victim and taking responsibility means: feel the pain, honor the shock, look for the leason, and keep on moving in a way that honors who you really are.”

A lot of times, we get caught up in feeling like the victim. We want to blame everyone else for our problems. But as Iyanla stated, we alone are responsible for the things that happen to us. If someone mistreats us, it’s likely because we failed to set up proper boundaries or we were afraid to confront the person. Well, now that we’ve grown and seen otherwise, it’s time to make better choices.

Peace and blessings

Optimistic June 30, 2008

This weekend went pretty well. I actually got out of the house. Went to Dave and Buster’s, spent day with girlfriend, went to a childhood friend’s jewlry party. Though it’s been hard, I feel like I’m getting back to my old self.

Here’s a little relationship nugget that I read last night:

As soon as there is any kind of deception, stop everything. If you are trying to help someone and he is lying to you in some way, there is no relationship. The whole thing is a farce, and you should not go any further in trying to help the person until you settle the issue of deception. There are no other issues at that point except that one. Trust is everything in a helping relationship, and when it is broken, it becomes the only issue to work on. Either fix that or end the relationship. Where there is deception there is no relationship.

From Boundaries in Dating by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

I’m better, much better June 26, 2008

I like the words in that song by Marvin Sapp, “Never would have made it” . . .

Never would have made it, never could have made it, without you [God]
I would have lost it all, but now I see how you were there for me

And I can say
Never would have made it,
Never could have made it,
Without you

I would have lost it all,
But I now how I see how you were there for me and I can say
I’m stronger, I’m wiser, I’m better,
much better,

When I look back over all you brought me thru.
I can see that you were the one that I held on to

Click here for song.

Last nite was sort of rough but I see the sunshine today. I’m gonna be fine, I’m gonna be happy. I’ll will not let Mr. You-Know-Who steal my joy. I’m deciding to be happy, he’ll have no control over that any longer.

Why do I feel I’m to blame? June 25, 2008

Dear You-know-who,

You’ve been making me feel that I’m to blame. And honestly I’ve been taking it. But no more, at least not today. I put in 110%. You put in, well, about 40%. How can you sit up there and not take any responsibility for your actions. You say I’m sarcastic. Yes, I am because I know that I should leave you alone. You’re not worth my time right now and I deserve better. . . so why do I still feel guilty?

I’m lonely whenever you’re around June 20, 2008

I’ve listed to this song about a 100 times over the last few weeks! It describes my feelings exactly.

Emotional idiot defined June 20, 2008

This is so me! Read this poem by Maggie Estep:
I’m an Emotional Idiot
so get away from me.
I mean,
COME HERE.

Wait, no,
that’s too close,
give me some space
it’s a big country,
there’s plenty of room,
don’t sit so close to me.

Hey, where are you?
I haven’t seen you in days.
Whadya, having an affair?
Who is she?
Come on,
aren’t I enough for you?

God,
You’re so cold.
I never know what you’re thinking.
You’re not very affectionate.

I mean,
you’re clinging to me,
DON’T TOUCH ME,
what am I, your fucking cat?
Don’t rub me like that.

Don’t you have anything better to do
than sit there fawning over me?

Don’t you have any interests?
Hobbies?
Sailing Fly fishing
Archeology?

There’s an archeology expedition leaving tomorrow
why don’t you go?
I’ll loan you the money,
my money is your money.
my life is your life
my soul is yours
without you I’m nothing.

Move in with me
we’ll get a studio apartment together, save on rent,
well, wait, I mean, a one bedroom,
so we don’t get in each other’s hair or anything
or, well,
maybe a two bedroom
I’ll have my own bedroom,
it’s nothing personal
I just need to be alone sometimes,
you do understand,
don’t you?

Hey, why are you acting distant?

Where you goin’,
was it something I said?
What
What did I do?

I’m an emotional idiot
so get away from me
I mean,
MARRY ME.