So why am I doing this again, you ask? Well, to get clear on some things. I needed to remove some distractions from my life to be able to hear God speaking to me. I have definitely lost touch with him. I told my s/o that I no longer knew God. Truth is, I know Him but it’s me that’s become distant. I’ve let all sorts of things get in the way: my work, dancing, relationships, hobbies and whatever else comes along. But I’ve been feeling lost for awhile now, not really knowing what to do and where to go. I need direction and I need to be plugged into THE source. If I want to do what’s best for me, I need to be in a relationship with the one who wants best for me.

The group leader started the discussion about fasting and about how we should take this week to remove something from our lives to have a more productive prayer life. It could be food, smoking, TV or whatever. He spoke of members of the group whose child was undergoing genetic testing and how they needed the prayers and support of the group. So in order to focus on them, he suggested that we fast and pray. Well, I don’t know the couple, but I definitely wanted to participate in the fast along with the rest of the group. While I’ll be praying for the couple, I definitely need to pray for myself for a few things.

Why Facebook? Simply put: it’s a distraction and it takes up too much of my time! A distraction to my work life and prayer life. And honestly, I think it increases my anxiety. (There have actually been studies on this.) And frankly, some of the stuff I read and see aren’t exactly positive or spiritually uplifting.

So, I disabled my facebook app (except for the messenger app to get Facebook inbox messages from family and others on some pressing issues), removed it from my toolbar, and signed out. Wow, it’s amazing how many times I clicked on a tab or typed the url before I even knew it. It was like a reflex. But later in the day, it became less important. I actually got a lot done today and my mind was clearer.

I actually felt a breakthrough on some things today, thanks to my significant other. I’m not calling him my boyfriend because…well, it’s complicated. Hence, why I need prayer!

On to day 2…

Trust begins and ends with God.

This statement was in an email my mom sent me a few years ago about trust. How true it is. But this is something I had to learn over time. I’ve seen myself and my friends struggle with the ability to trust men in relationships. And if you’ve been lied to, cheated on or deceived in some way, you know how hard it is to trust someone in relationships that follow. How many times have we thought “Where is he?”, “I wonder who he’s with?”, “Is he lying about xyz.” And this goes for guys AND girls.

But the thing that’s helped me the most, is my ability to trust in God to show me the things I need to see. Some people call it intuition, I call it the Holy Spirit. It’s amazing, if we just let it guide us and allow it to open our eyes, what we will see. Like Jill Scott says, “…everything comes to the light.” Many times the answers are right in front of us. I’m a living witness to this! God equips us but it’s up to us to use it. Many times we don’t want to accept what we see and we go on worrying, suspecting and accusing.

Here’s an exerpt from that email.

Trust grows over time. People are complex, broken beings therefore, previous hurts, fears or losses can impede their determination to trust and/or be truthful in a relationship. But, people have the capacity to grow in trust and truthfulness.

You and God can help build trust into your relationships.

Faith comes from God. Our faith is in God. God is the only One who is truly faithful. He is the giver of faith and the object of faith. Because of those facts, we need a new understanding of what it means to trust people.

Just thought I’d share…

To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness. – Bertrand Russell

So I guess you’re wondering how I’m doing on spending. Here’s an update:

My challenges
I’ve bought some snacks and grabbed fast food a few times this past week. I’d like blame it on my busy schedule but I know that I still lack some control. I’m also realizing that I’m somewhat of an emotional eater. I never thought so because when I’m really stressed, I don’t eat and lose weight. But I’ve noticed that when I’m mildly irritated or slightly stressed, I feel the urge to want to “reward” myself with a meal out.

My progress
I have some victories too though. Even when I’ve eaten out or snacked, I’ve chosen cheaper alternatives. Instead of a fancy hot chocolate and a muffin from the campus coffee shop (over $5), I settled for a pre-made Starbucks frapp and made my own oatmeal (about $2.50). And there were a pair of Tommy Hilfiger jeans at the Macy’s where I work part time on sale for about $18! Man, that would have been a steal. I didn’t even go and try them on. Plus, there was a Facebook deal for a local steam room spa that I’ve been wanting to try for only $10. I passed that up, too.

I’ve also withdrawn cash to use for this week to avoid using my debit card.

The good thing is that I’m not feeling like I’m depriving myself. I have to ask myself, “Do I really need this?” Most times, the answer is no. I’m glad to see where I’m not wasting away money, even though it may only be a small amount at this point.

New discoveries
This past week I’ve created a new budget by using a new format. This format helps you determine if you are overspending in certain categories. For example, according to this budget, you should only be spending around 26 – 36% for your housing (rent, mortgage) or no more than 10% for debt (credit cards, loans). I’ve budgeted before but this is something new for me and I’m able to determine where I need to find more balance…my debt.

The book also has caused me to revisit the idea of tithing. It’s something that I’ve never done before. I thought I was doing it before but a true tithe is 10% of your gross income, not your net. Anything other than that is an offering. This is a challenging concept for me right now and is something like I’m praying about at present.

14 more days to go…

I’ve already made some changes: I got a roommate a year and half ago and I got a part-time job at Macy’s back in November. But despite those major changes, I still find myself strapped for cash. I’ve got to go a step further. A friend recently mentioned a book that he and his wife were reading called “The Power to Prosper: 21 Days to Financial Freedom” by Michelle Singletary. He had some pretty good things to say about it and he mentioned the 21 day fast. He let me borrow the book and the fast is something I’m going to try. Basically, the book calls for 21 days of refraining from spending on anything other than necessities, eliminating using credit and debit cards, avoiding shopping or even window shopping, and more. And during this process, the book will help you to develop a budget and gain other tools, both practical and spiritual.

I’ll be chronicling my progress along the way right here on Emo Idiot. I’ve already read the first chapter and here’s my first assignment:

Make a list of any potential obstacles that may prevent you from sticking to the fast and then decide how to eliminate them.

I know that my biggest obstacle will be eating out. Most days when I get off from work, I don’t feel like cooking. Or, I may not have time to cook when going from my full-time job to my part-time gig. I’d usually just grab some fast food. And, I’m gonna have a hard time not buying snacks at the bookstore or coffee shop at my job or at the mall where I work. I’m going to have to plan, plan, plan! I’m going to need to make food on the weekends so that I can have it during the week. I’m going to have to carry my lunch including snacks everyday! Ugh, this is going to be tough! I’ve already started doing some of this but not everyday. At first I thought that I would just build some lunch money into my budget during this 21 days but eating out is forbidden during the fast plus I need to face my biggest financial challenge and that’s spending too much money on food! I’m gonna need prayer! lol

Someone sent this to me over the weekend. It couldn’t have been more timely. You see, I have a BAD habit of doing the things that she speaks of: trying to establish a healthy relationship with someone who is clearly not right for me instead of waiting patiently for what God has for me. Yep, I do it and have done it often. But a recent experience with someone I’ve dated on- and off-again for 9 years has led me to say “ENOUGH!”

I think it’s hard for us to walk away from relationships or friendships even though we know they are detrimental because it makes us feel like failures. We feel like we aren’t good enough or competent. Sometimes we just have to throw our hands up and say “There’s nothing more I can do to make this work. It’s time to give up.” Man, that’s a hard thing to say, especially if you still love someone. But love shouldn’t hurt.

I can’t blame everyone else for my failed relationships. I am owning up to the ways in which I’ve sabotaged my own life. I haven’t made the best choices when it comes to relationships. It’s a hard thing to admit.

Iyanla Vanzant says this in her book Acts of Faith:

You can do the same old things in just so many ways until you lose track of what you are doing. How many ways can you cry? How many ways can you hurt? How many ways can you convince yourself that you can make this work? When a relationship is over, you must learn to let go.

It’s time I let go….

He’s Just Not that Into You:The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo

My take: You’ve seen the movie. But have you read the book? It really opened my eyes. Although a guy might say one thing, it doesn’t always mean that he’s sincere about it. If a guy truly wants you, he’ll make the effort to show you. You don’t have to convince him you’re the best thing since sliced bread. If he interested, he’ll call. And that’s it. Period.

Editorial Review from Publishers Weekly:
It’s a classic single-woman scenario: you really like this guy, but he’s giving mixed messages. You make excuses, decide he’s confused, afraid of commitment. Behrendt, a former executive story editor for Sex and the City—and a formerly single (now happily married) guy who knows all the excuses—provides a simple answer: he’s just not that into you. Stop kidding yourself, let go and look for someone else who will be. After all, as Behrendt sensibly puts it, “if a (sane) guy really likes you, there ain’t nothing that’s going to get in his way.” If you’re not convinced yet, by all means read this smart, funny and surprisingly upbeat little book, full of q’s and a’s covering every excuse woman has ever made to avoid admitting to herself that a man just wasn’t that smitten with her.

Quotable: Assume you are the rule, not the exception.

Why Men Love Bitches
by Sherry Argov

My take: My aunt kept telling me about this book and I was put off by the title like so many other women probably are. The last thing I want to do is come off like a bitch. When she saw that I wasn’t making a bee line to the bookstore for it and I was still having man problems, she sent it to me in the mail. Boy, was I grateful. I think this book should be taught in school to every teenage girl! Once you get past the title and read its’ contents, you’ll soon discover that this book is really about self respect and establishing boundaries. While I don’t agree with everything the author suggests, I think the principles outlined in the book are great.

Editorial Review from Publishers Weekly:
Contending that some women are “too nice,” comedian and radio show host Sherry Argov has written Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl-A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship. “I’m not recommending that a woman have an abrasive disposition,” Argov writes, “The woman I’m describing is kind yet strong. She doesn’t give up her life, and she won’t chase a man.” Her sassy book is filled with scenarios and advice aimed at making women subtly stronger and self-empowered. Argov’s principles, which range from the farfetched to the downright absurd, include “If you give him a feeling of power, he’ll want to protect you and he’ll want to give you the world” and “A little distance combined with the appearance of self-control makes him nervous that he may be losing you.” The book, which has already been featured on The View and The O’Reilly Factor, should make waves with its controversial view of relationships.

Quotable: It is the attitude about yourself that a man will adopt.

Boundaries in Dating: Making Dating Work
by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

My take: This book was recommended to me by a minister. So, of course, it hinges on Christian principles and that’s part of the reason I like it. The book takes a look at how relationships should be approached as someone who is trying to please God, a position that’s not often taken in the mainstream. I’ve read this book several times. As a matter of fact, I lost the book and went out and bought a new copy. Like Why Men Love Bitches, the book talks about maintaining proper boundaries with your date or potential life-long partner. This is something I struggle with so it’s been very helpful. The book covers everything from honesty and the “blame game” to establishing and maintaining what you will and won’t accept in a relationship.

Review from an amazon.com customer: “Boundaries in dating is about becoming a truthful, caring, responsible, and free person who also encourages growth in those she is in contact with,” the authors write. “Your dating life should be a powerful change agent for you.” Countering the common assumption that dating is limited to “finding the right one,” Cloud and Townsend take the spiritual approach that dating and relating is just as much about “learning about your own issues, how they affect others, and what to do about them.” That dating should bring us closer to God seems to be the authors’ ultimate goal in writing this book.

Quotable: God uses relationships to heal us and to change us. Although we are not suggesting that dating be the primary place that someone seeks healing (this is a horrible idea), it is a place where good things happen in people’s souls. People benefit from good relationships.

What are some books that you’ve found very helpful? Please comment and share.

Anyway, some of the most uncanny things have happened to me lately.  To make a long story short, I recently met a guy who was recently in a relationship with his (ex) wife (yes, ex) and another female. No, he wasn’t cheating, they were all in relationship together. He had a wife (sort of) and a “wifey”. Oh lord, yes it blew my mind, too.

Now I know this is probably more common than I’d like to believe. This is the stuff you see on Maury but never have I been so up close and personal with someone who actually lived this lifestyle. But what kills me is that this guy talked about it so matter of factly, like this was normal.

And I told another guy that I recently met about this gentlemen and he didn’t seem appalled either. Basically, he told me in so many words that in order to keep a man nowadays, you’re going to have to be “open”.

OMG! Do people revere marriage anymore??? I’m spent. Nite y’all…

After viewing, you can’t tell me there isn’t a God.

Let It Go – by T. D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk.. I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead.. You’ve got to know when it’s dead.

You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something.. I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.. It’s not that I’m hateful, it’s that I’m faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He’ll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don’t need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains LET IT GO!!!

If someone can’t treat you right, love you back, and see your worth LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better LET IT GO!!!

If you’re stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won’t even try to help themselves LET IT GO!!!

If you’re feeling depressed and stressed LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying ‘take your hands off of it,’ then you need to LET IT GO!!!

‘The Battle is the Lord’s!’