Archive | June, 2008


30 Jun

This weekend went pretty well. I actually got out of the house. Went to Dave and Buster’s, spent day with girlfriend, went to a childhood friend’s jewlry party. Though it’s been hard, I feel like I’m getting back to my old self.

Here’s a little relationship nugget that I read last night:

As soon as there is any kind of deception, stop everything. If you are trying to help someone and he is lying to you in some way, there is no relationship. The whole thing is a farce, and you should not go any further in trying to help the person until you settle the issue of deception. There are no other issues at that point except that one. Trust is everything in a helping relationship, and when it is broken, it becomes the only issue to work on. Either fix that or end the relationship. Where there is deception there is no relationship.

From Boundaries in Dating by Henry Cloud and John Townsend


I’m better, much better

26 Jun

I like the words in that song by Marvin Sapp, “Never would have made it” . . .

Never would have made it, never could have made it, without you [God]
I would have lost it all, but now I see how you were there for me

And I can say
Never would have made it,
Never could have made it,
Without you

I would have lost it all,
But I now how I see how you were there for me and I can say
I’m stronger, I’m wiser, I’m better,
much better,

When I look back over all you brought me thru.
I can see that you were the one that I held on to

Click here for song.

Last nite was sort of rough but I see the sunshine today. I’m gonna be fine, I’m gonna be happy. I’ll will not let Mr. You-Know-Who steal my joy. I’m deciding to be happy, he’ll have no control over that any longer.

Why do I feel I’m to blame?

25 Jun

Dear You-know-who,

You’ve been making me feel that I’m to blame. And honestly I’ve been taking it. But no more, at least not today. I put in 110%. You put in, well, about 40%. How can you sit up there and not take any responsibility for your actions. You say I’m sarcastic. Yes, I am because I know that I should leave you alone. You’re not worth my time right now and I deserve better. . . so why do I still feel guilty?

I’m lonely whenever you’re around

20 Jun

I’ve listed to this song about a 100 times over the last few weeks! It describes my feelings exactly.

Emotional idiot defined

20 Jun

This is so me! Read this poem by Maggie Estep:

I’m an Emotional Idiot
so get away from me.
I mean,

Wait, no,
that’s too close,
give me some space
it’s a big country,
there’s plenty of room,
don’t sit so close to me.

Hey, where are you?
I haven’t seen you in days.
Whadya, having an affair?
Who is she?
Come on,
aren’t I enough for you?

You’re so cold.
I never know what you’re thinking.
You’re not very affectionate.

I mean,
you’re clinging to me,
what am I, your fucking cat?
Don’t rub me like that.

Don’t you have anything better to do
than sit there fawning over me?

Don’t you have any interests?
Sailing Fly fishing

There’s an archeology expedition leaving tomorrow
why don’t you go?
I’ll loan you the money,
my money is your money.
my life is your life
my soul is yours
without you I’m nothing.

Move in with me
we’ll get a studio apartment together, save on rent,
well, wait, I mean, a one bedroom,
so we don’t get in each other’s hair or anything
or, well,
maybe a two bedroom
I’ll have my own bedroom,
it’s nothing personal
I just need to be alone sometimes,
you do understand,
don’t you?

Hey, why are you acting distant?

Where you goin’,
was it something I said?
What did I do?

I’m an emotional idiot
so get away from me
I mean,

Don’t Go Back to What’s Familiar. . .Nothing has Changed

17 Jun

Someone e-mailed this to me . . .

Robert Frost said, ‘two roads diverged by a yellow wood and sorry I could not travel both, so I took the one less traveled by.’ Often times as God begin to move us into our place of destiny. He comes and snatches us out of unhealthy relationships or situations, only to show us that He has more in store for us and that there is more to you than this.

There are different ways that God reveals to us that we have unhealthy behavioral patterns, unhealthy relationships, and that if we continue in this path that ultimately we will self destruct.

Let me count the ways

The Lord allows us to see what He sees, this is why God tells us to first seek ye the kingdom of heaven and all its righteousness and all these things will be added unto you. Instead, what we do is say that God will give you the desires of my heart, and He will, but again why would God give His children something that isn’t good for them? God has given us free will, in other words, He will not force you to change, but He will allow circumstances to come along that will provoke change in you.

Let’s look at some ways that God has revealed to you not to go back:

*They cheated on you, and you continue to forgive them but you don’t trust them.

*They were late picking you up continuously in your own car

*They tell you that they love you but their actions say something else.

*Baby mama drama, yet you continue to tolerate the foolish behavior.

*They don’t want to go any further in life than where they are and they don’t want you to either.

*They constantly put you down.

*They abuse you.

*They make excuses for not going to church

*They ask you to do sexual exploits (threesome, swinger)

*They do drugs (weed)

*They have a really bad temper

*They criticize you, so on and so forth. I think you are getting my point.

Ask yourself this, why do you want to live in hell? Why are you torturing yourself? Why don’t you believe that you deserve better? The bible calls this a ‘sick bed.’ A sick bed is when you refuse to come out of a situation that is unhealthy, unstable, and unproductive, only for you to end up not ever receiving the life God has for you. There are dreams locked up inside of you, but if you continue down this path, they will not come true because you are tied to the wrong person.

24 Hour Turn Around

Tony Braxton said, it’s been seven long days and not a word from you. The hardest thing about not going back to what’s familiar is the transitional period. When God is delivering you from a situation or a relationship, you go through a grieving process. So instead, of feeling the pain you would rather go back only to numb the pain and prolong the inevitable. What is the inevitable, to know that this is not for you and you continue? Psychologist called this ‘schizophrenia’ when you keep doing the same thing but expecting different results. Nothing or no one changes over night, and who said that you needed or had to stick around TO SEE IF they are going to change. God might not change the situation but He will change you in the situation. The bible says that with the temptation God will make a way of escape. Do not ever think that you don’t have a way out. For every entrance there has to be an exit. Being stuck is not an option unless you make it one.

Smooth Operator

Haven’t you heard and seen it all before. Stop and think about how many times they are going to say they are sorry but continue to do the same thing. Look beyond the flowers, the sex, the beauty, their body, and remember what has happened that brought you to this point in the first place. When are you going to stop listening to what they are saying? It sounds good but in your heart you know it’s not good for you, they will say anything to keep you bound. Don’t allow your heart to override your judgment.

Longing for Yesterday

We often times say that the devil is a liar, and he is. But what we do is make God a liar and the devil the truth. We do this by telling God that He doesn’t have the power to move us forward, to keep us, or deliver us for that matter. We also tell the devil he is the truth because we continue to go back into situations that trip us up. We don’t just fall back into bed with someone, let the truth be told, you decided to go back. You decided that you couldn’t live without them, and that you needed them and that God would understand. You can not serve two masters either you are going to hate one or love the other. Who will you serve God or the devil?

Standing at the Crossroads

Often times, we are blinded by our own desires, that God in His Sovereignty begins to show us what kind of messes we are waddling in. When we go back to what’s familiar, the bible says that ‘it is like a dog returning to its vomit.’ God has brought us out so why would we go back and lick up the lies, the deceit, the perversion, and the very thing or the very acts, and away from unhealthy people in which He has rescued us from. It’s like rescuing someone from drowning but instead of holding on to the person that is trying to save your life, you fight against the help. You will not make this journey on your own.

If you could do this by yourself than why are you still thinking about or going back to what’s familiar. The bible says:

See, I the Lord have set before you

life and death

blessings and cursing;


Deuteronomy 30:6

God says, I know the plans that I have for you and that they are good and not evil, to give you a future and a hope. The bible says that if your heart turns away so that you do not hear, and are drawn away (back to what’s familiar) then you will perish. One of the greatest and shortest prayers was when Peter begin to sink, he cried “HELP’.

Cry out to Jesus ‘HELP ME.” I don’t want to keep going back to what’s familiar.

God said the day you set your mind, ‘I Heard You’ and Help is on the way. Be Blessed men and women of God.

Definition of crazy . . .more

14 Jun

Ok. So I’m off work now. I guess you wordpress viewers can kind of guess that my love life is out of sorts. But to expand on my previous post:

Sometimes in love you have to just let go. When you’ve tried all that you know to do, when you’ve put forth 110%, when you’ve given all you had and there was still no change, it’s time to say goodbye. That is, if the person you’re with is not putting in the same amount of effort. Hence the definition of crazy: to continue to do the same thing expecting different results. When you continue to give all you can and it still doesn’t make a difference, it’s time to move on. Maybe the other person will wake up, maybe not. But you’ve got to do it for you.

Definition of crazy

13 Jun

I read this in Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsen’s book “Boundaries in Dating”:

The definition of crazy is to continue to do the same thing expecting different results.

Gotta get ready for work but I’ll explain more this weekend . . .

Trusting yourself

12 Jun

I read this last night and wanted to share it.

There are some people who come into your life with “WARNING” stamped right in the middle of their forehead. Their story sounds a little strange. Their actions totally contradict their story. You may not know what it is, but you know is not quite right. What do you do? TRUST YOURSELF!

It is not necessary to have every tidbit of information or to know every gory detail about a person, because your instincts are usually correct. People show you who they are by what they do. If it doesn’t feel right, they are probably not! We want to help everybody. Those we can’t help, we want to save from themselves. To accomplish this, we will often ignore our natural, self-protective instincts and buy into a sad story. Yes, we want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but we also want to learn to trust ourselves.

Learn to trust what your inner voice is telling you. If the person is real, you will find out. Until then, we must stop bandaging bleeding hearts; otherwise, we will continue nursing our grieving hearts.

-Iyanla Vanzant, Faith in the Valley

Making sense of life

11 Jun

I saw this on someone else’s page and I thought it was worth posting here:

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things to wrong so that you can appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you can eventually learn to trust no one but [God and] yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.