Much better

24 Aug

Hey y’all. I guess you were wondering what the heck was going on when I wrote my last post. Well, I was just frustrated yet again with the dating game. But I’m good now. No, I’m not dating anyone else but I’m content with it for now. Here’s what was going on:

I just had to let go of an unhealthy situation. This guy and I weren’t officially dating but we behaved as if we were. We would talk on the phone and text all the time, he’d come into town on most weekends in the beginning, you know bf/gf type stuff. When we first met, we both agreed that we weren’t looking for anything serious. But things quickly changed…somewhat. I was starting to develop deeper feelings and I am sure he was, too, but he would never admit to it. He admitted that he was guarded. That should have been the red flag right there.

It didn’t make sense that he would be devoting so much time and affection to someone he didn’t want to get serious with. I confronted him on several occasions and it was clear we weren’t headed in the same direction. There were times I cut it off but he would call or text me and it would start up again. I tried to downplay my feelings by saying in my mind that we were just friends and but truthfully I liked him and I wanted him to like me to. But he clearly explained that he didn’t want to get serious or that we were just friends even though his actions said otherwise. Even though he called all the time, he could never say he missed me. He would always have some dumb rationalization but he expected me to tell him that I missed him. Stupid, I know.

Anyway, there was more but I’ll spare you the details. I had just grown pretty tired of the mixed signals. It wasn’t a relationship that was going anywhere and to be honest, he wasn’t right for me. But somewhere in my dysfunction, I needed him to want me and to acknowledge me.

I wish that we could have remained friends. But lines were crossed and things got complicated. Part of it was my fault. Oh well, I guess life is messy like that sometimes.

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