Hey peeps. Well, I’m on day 3. Yeah, it kinda sucks. But then again I don’t really miss it tremendously. I had to log in to Facebook to grant access to another site for something and I peeked. I had 4 measly notifications. Whoopee! See, I’m not missing out on much. But I do miss looking at photos and there are some random thoughts of mine that I’d like to share from time to time. But as I mentioned, my head is clearer and I’m getting more things done. (Now, if I could only stop obsessively checking my email. Hmm, maybe there are deeper issues here. lol!) Perhaps once the fast is over, I’ll just wait to check fb in the evenings.
So why am I doing this again, you ask? Well, to get clear on some things. I needed to remove some distractions from my life to be able to hear God speaking to me. I have definitely lost touch with him. I told my s/o that I no longer knew God. Truth is, I know Him but it’s me that’s become distant. I’ve let all sorts of things get in the way: my work, dancing, relationships, hobbies and whatever else comes along. But I’ve been feeling lost for awhile now, not really knowing what to do and where to go. I need direction and I need to be plugged into THE source. If I want to do what’s best for me, I need to be in a relationship with the one who wants best for me.
Stop the presses! I’m on a Facebook fast. Yes, you heard right. Yesterday, I happened to stop by a church in my hometown on the way back to Dallas. I’d been to the church a few times before but it had been awhile. I had missed the evening worship but was invited into one of their life group meetings. I didn’t know what to expect but I was open to anything. I had been praying on the way there for God to reveal some things to me.
The group leader started the discussion about fasting and about how we should take this week to remove something from our lives to have a more productive prayer life. It could be food, smoking, TV or whatever. He spoke of members of the group whose child was undergoing genetic testing and how they needed the prayers and support of the group. So in order to focus on them, he suggested that we fast and pray. Well, I don’t know the couple, but I definitely wanted to participate in the fast along with the rest of the group. While I’ll be praying for the couple, I definitely need to pray for myself for a few things.
Why Facebook? Simply put: it’s a distraction and it takes up too much of my time! A distraction to my work life and prayer life. And honestly, I think it increases my anxiety. (There have actually been studies on this.) And frankly, some of the stuff I read and see aren’t exactly positive or spiritually uplifting.
So, I disabled my facebook app (except for the messenger app to get Facebook inbox messages from family and others on some pressing issues), removed it from my toolbar, and signed out. Wow, it’s amazing how many times I clicked on a tab or typed the url before I even knew it. It was like a reflex. But later in the day, it became less important. I actually got a lot done today and my mind was clearer.
I actually felt a breakthrough on some things today, thanks to my significant other. I’m not calling him my boyfriend because…well, it’s complicated. Hence, why I need prayer!
On to day 2…
As you guys may know, I tend to talk about themes in my life. In other words, I write about lessons learned that inexplicably come from different places all at the same time. I don’t think these happenings are coincidences but God reaching out to me. Over the last few days, I’ve read something or people have said something about the spirit of discernment. I’d like to share what I’ve been hearing.
Trust begins and ends with God.
This statement was in an email my mom sent me a few years ago about trust. How true it is. But this is something I had to learn over time. I’ve seen myself and my friends struggle with the ability to trust men in relationships. And if you’ve been lied to, cheated on or deceived in some way, you know how hard it is to trust someone in relationships that follow. How many times have we thought “Where is he?”, “I wonder who he’s with?”, “Is he lying about xyz.” And this goes for guys AND girls.
But the thing that’s helped me the most, is my ability to trust in God to show me the things I need to see. Some people call it intuition, I call it the Holy Spirit. It’s amazing, if we just let it guide us and allow it to open our eyes, what we will see. Like Jill Scott says, “…everything comes to the light.” Many times the answers are right in front of us. I’m a living witness to this! God equips us but it’s up to us to use it. Many times we don’t want to accept what we see and we go on worrying, suspecting and accusing.
Here’s an exerpt from that email.
Trust grows over time. People are complex, broken beings therefore, previous hurts, fears or losses can impede their determination to trust and/or be truthful in a relationship. But, people have the capacity to grow in trust and truthfulness.
You and God can help build trust into your relationships.
Faith comes from God. Our faith is in God. God is the only One who is truly faithful. He is the giver of faith and the object of faith. Because of those facts, we need a new understanding of what it means to trust people.
Just thought I’d share…
Someone sent this to me over the weekend. It couldn’t have been more timely. You see, I have a BAD habit of doing the things that she speaks of: trying to establish a healthy relationship with someone who is clearly not right for me instead of waiting patiently for what God has for me. Yep, I do it and have done it often. But a recent experience with someone I’ve dated on- and off-again for 9 years has led me to say “ENOUGH!”
I think it’s hard for us to walk away from relationships or friendships even though we know they are detrimental because it makes us feel like failures. We feel like we aren’t good enough or competent. Sometimes we just have to throw our hands up and say “There’s nothing more I can do to make this work. It’s time to give up.” Man, that’s a hard thing to say, especially if you still love someone. But love shouldn’t hurt.
I can’t blame everyone else for my failed relationships. I am owning up to the ways in which I’ve sabotaged my own life. I haven’t made the best choices when it comes to relationships. It’s a hard thing to admit.
Iyanla Vanzant says this in her book Acts of Faith:
You can do the same old things in just so many ways until you lose track of what you are doing. How many ways can you cry? How many ways can you hurt? How many ways can you convince yourself that you can make this work? When a relationship is over, you must learn to let go.
It’s time I let go….
The internet is abuzz about Ted Williams, a homeless guy who gets “discovered” the side of the road while panhandling. The discovery was posted on YouTube and set off a chain of events only imagined in the movies. I’m so inspired by this story and I wanted to share. Check out where it all began:
After viewing, you can’t tell me there isn’t a God.