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Release and wait

8 Mar

Someone sent this to me over the weekend. It couldn’t have been more timely. You see, I have a BAD habit of doing the things that she speaks of: trying to establish a healthy relationship with someone who is clearly not right for me instead of waiting patiently for what God has for me. Yep, I do it and have done it often. But a recent experience with someone I’ve dated on- and off-again for 9 years has led me to say “ENOUGH!”

I think it’s hard for us to walk away from relationships or friendships even though we know they are detrimental because it makes us feel like failures. We feel like we aren’t good enough or competent. Sometimes we just have to throw our hands up and say “There’s nothing more I can do to make this work. It’s time to give up.” Man, that’s a hard thing to say, especially if you still love someone. But love shouldn’t hurt.

I can’t blame everyone else for my failed relationships. I am owning up to the ways in which I’ve sabotaged my own life. I haven’t made the best choices when it comes to relationships. It’s a hard thing to admit.

Iyanla Vanzant says this in her book Acts of Faith:

You can do the same old things in just so many ways until you lose track of what you are doing. How many ways can you cry? How many ways can you hurt? How many ways can you convince yourself that you can make this work? When a relationship is over, you must learn to let go.

It’s time I let go….

What a tragic loss. Michael, we’ll miss you!

27 Jun

thriller-michael-jacksonAll day I have been watching Michael Jackson YouTube videos, listening to his playlists on Napster, watching CNN, listening to marathon’s on the radio and looking at friend’s comments on Facebook. But no matter how much joy I get from recalling all his hits and all the memories he created for me growing up, I am still shocked and saddened by his death.It’s amazing how one person, an entertainer, could be so influential on a single life and the whole world.

Many of my fondest childhood memories revolve around Michael and his music. I remember being scared to death of Thriller! I couldn’t watch it for years. lol. I remember gathering around the tv with family watching his videos and trying to imitate his dance moves. I also remember when MJ performed, I think it was the Motown 25 special, and I was going nuts. I was hysterical. My mom was like, “Girl, what’s wrong with you? Are you crying?” Ha. I’ll always remember that moment. I remember listening to the “Bad” album over and over and over with my childhood friend NaTasha. We put on our own little concert in her bedroom. Later in life I got to perform a routine to “Blood on the Dancefloor” with my dance company in college. I’ll always be inspired by his creativity, his magic, and his artistry as a singer and phenomenal dancer.

As speculations start to arise about the circumstances surrounding his death, I think about the irony of the whole situation. It’s amazing how perhaps one of the most well-known human beings on the planet, who achieved success yet to be surpassed, could live such a tortured life. I’m saddened when I imagine the loneliness, the isolation, the pain and the ridicule he faced. This man was under a huge microscope. He was hated probably as much as he was loved.

I’m not going to use this post to speculate on whether he did some of the things he was accused of. Only God can judge him now. But I’m sure that whatever happened in his life was a direct result of being a child star and the son of a relentless stage father. This saddens me also.

The music industry wouldn’t be what it is today without. If you look at Usher, Chris Brown, NeYo, and Justin Timberlake, they are all biting his style. But there will never be another like him. Michael, we’ll miss you!

While I have so many favorites, this is perhaps one of my top five MJ videos: click here. I think it paints a perfect picture of his magnitude. Enjoy and good night!

I’m better, much better

26 Jun

I like the words in that song by Marvin Sapp, “Never would have made it” . . .

Never would have made it, never could have made it, without you [God]
I would have lost it all, but now I see how you were there for me

And I can say
Never would have made it,
Never could have made it,
Without you

I would have lost it all,
But I now how I see how you were there for me and I can say
I’m stronger, I’m wiser, I’m better,
much better,

When I look back over all you brought me thru.
I can see that you were the one that I held on to

Click here for song.

Last nite was sort of rough but I see the sunshine today. I’m gonna be fine, I’m gonna be happy. I’ll will not let Mr. You-Know-Who steal my joy. I’m deciding to be happy, he’ll have no control over that any longer.

Why do I feel I’m to blame?

25 Jun

Dear You-know-who,

You’ve been making me feel that I’m to blame. And honestly I’ve been taking it. But no more, at least not today. I put in 110%. You put in, well, about 40%. How can you sit up there and not take any responsibility for your actions. You say I’m sarcastic. Yes, I am because I know that I should leave you alone. You’re not worth my time right now and I deserve better. . . so why do I still feel guilty?

I’m lonely whenever you’re around

20 Jun

I’ve listed to this song about a 100 times over the last few weeks! It describes my feelings exactly.

Definition of crazy . . .more

14 Jun

Ok. So I’m off work now. I guess you wordpress viewers can kind of guess that my love life is out of sorts. But to expand on my previous post:

Sometimes in love you have to just let go. When you’ve tried all that you know to do, when you’ve put forth 110%, when you’ve given all you had and there was still no change, it’s time to say goodbye. That is, if the person you’re with is not putting in the same amount of effort. Hence the definition of crazy: to continue to do the same thing expecting different results. When you continue to give all you can and it still doesn’t make a difference, it’s time to move on. Maybe the other person will wake up, maybe not. But you’ve got to do it for you.