Someone sent this to me over the weekend. It couldn’t have been more timely. You see, I have a BAD habit of doing the things that she speaks of: trying to establish a healthy relationship with someone who is clearly not right for me instead of waiting patiently for what God has for me. Yep, I do it and have done it often. But a recent experience with someone I’ve dated on- and off-again for 9 years has led me to say “ENOUGH!”
I think it’s hard for us to walk away from relationships or friendships even though we know they are detrimental because it makes us feel like failures. We feel like we aren’t good enough or competent. Sometimes we just have to throw our hands up and say “There’s nothing more I can do to make this work. It’s time to give up.” Man, that’s a hard thing to say, especially if you still love someone. But love shouldn’t hurt.
I can’t blame everyone else for my failed relationships. I am owning up to the ways in which I’ve sabotaged my own life. I haven’t made the best choices when it comes to relationships. It’s a hard thing to admit.
Iyanla Vanzant says this in her book Acts of Faith:
You can do the same old things in just so many ways until you lose track of what you are doing. How many ways can you cry? How many ways can you hurt? How many ways can you convince yourself that you can make this work? When a relationship is over, you must learn to let go.
It’s time I let go….
Hey world! It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged. I’ve had lots of things on my mind lately and I thought I’d share one of them. Once again, I want to pull a quote from Iyanla Vanzant’s Acts of Faith:
When we convince ourselves that we can’t find the right mate, we try to make the one we have into the one we want….When we are not honest with ourselves about who are mate really is, we end up disillusioned and disappointed. It is not their fault, it is our own. We must be clear about what we want from a relationship whether it is social, business or intimate. Then we must make a decision to wait for exactly what we want. If who we have is not who we want, say so! It is not our job to change the other person. If we buys a pair of shoes and they do not fit, should we wear them and suffer or take them back to the store?
Ladies, do we ever say, “well if he just did this, we’d be ok” or “maybe if I can convince him to be like this, things would be better”? Where do we get the idea that we can change someone? We have a lot of talents but we don’t have super powers! I’m learning that if someone or something doesn’t mesh with your values or ideals, then it’s ok to acknowledge that and move on.
It’s time we wait for what God has planned for us rather than trying to take a unhealthy situation and turn it into what we think is best for us. In our “meantime” we should develop our interests and our spirituality and just be.
Now on to just being….
Lately, I’ve been thinking about how sometimes people come into your life your only a short time, a season. Then suddenly they are gone. It reminds me of what I’ve read in Iyanla Vanzant’s book “Acts of Faith.”
When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on. Next!
I read this last night and wanted to share it.
There are some people who come into your life with “WARNING” stamped right in the middle of their forehead. Their story sounds a little strange. Their actions totally contradict their story. You may not know what it is, but you know is not quite right. What do you do? TRUST YOURSELF!
It is not necessary to have every tidbit of information or to know every gory detail about a person, because your instincts are usually correct. People show you who they are by what they do. If it doesn’t feel right, they are probably not! We want to help everybody. Those we can’t help, we want to save from themselves. To accomplish this, we will often ignore our natural, self-protective instincts and buy into a sad story. Yes, we want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but we also want to learn to trust ourselves.
Learn to trust what your inner voice is telling you. If the person is real, you will find out. Until then, we must stop bandaging bleeding hearts; otherwise, we will continue nursing our grieving hearts.
-Iyanla Vanzant, Faith in the Valley