Hey world! It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged. I’ve had lots of things on my mind lately and I thought I’d share one of them. Once again, I want to pull a quote from Iyanla Vanzant’s Acts of Faith:
When we convince ourselves that we can’t find the right mate, we try to make the one we have into the one we want….When we are not honest with ourselves about who are mate really is, we end up disillusioned and disappointed. It is not their fault, it is our own. We must be clear about what we want from a relationship whether it is social, business or intimate. Then we must make a decision to wait for exactly what we want. If who we have is not who we want, say so! It is not our job to change the other person. If we buys a pair of shoes and they do not fit, should we wear them and suffer or take them back to the store?
Ladies, do we ever say, “well if he just did this, we’d be ok” or “maybe if I can convince him to be like this, things would be better”? Where do we get the idea that we can change someone? We have a lot of talents but we don’t have super powers! I’m learning that if someone or something doesn’t mesh with your values or ideals, then it’s ok to acknowledge that and move on.
It’s time we wait for what God has planned for us rather than trying to take a unhealthy situation and turn it into what we think is best for us. In our “meantime” we should develop our interests and our spirituality and just be.
Now on to just being….
This weekend went pretty well. I actually got out of the house. Went to Dave and Buster’s, spent day with girlfriend, went to a childhood friend’s jewlry party. Though it’s been hard, I feel like I’m getting back to my old self.
Here’s a little relationship nugget that I read last night:
As soon as there is any kind of deception, stop everything. If you are trying to help someone and he is lying to you in some way, there is no relationship. The whole thing is a farce, and you should not go any further in trying to help the person until you settle the issue of deception. There are no other issues at that point except that one. Trust is everything in a helping relationship, and when it is broken, it becomes the only issue to work on. Either fix that or end the relationship. Where there is deception there is no relationship.
From Boundaries in Dating by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
I read this last night and wanted to share it.
There are some people who come into your life with “WARNING” stamped right in the middle of their forehead. Their story sounds a little strange. Their actions totally contradict their story. You may not know what it is, but you know is not quite right. What do you do? TRUST YOURSELF!
It is not necessary to have every tidbit of information or to know every gory detail about a person, because your instincts are usually correct. People show you who they are by what they do. If it doesn’t feel right, they are probably not! We want to help everybody. Those we can’t help, we want to save from themselves. To accomplish this, we will often ignore our natural, self-protective instincts and buy into a sad story. Yes, we want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but we also want to learn to trust ourselves.
Learn to trust what your inner voice is telling you. If the person is real, you will find out. Until then, we must stop bandaging bleeding hearts; otherwise, we will continue nursing our grieving hearts.
-Iyanla Vanzant, Faith in the Valley
I saw this on someone else’s page and I thought it was worth posting here:
I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things to wrong so that you can appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you can eventually learn to trust no one but [God and] yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.