Three Books Every Single Gal Should Read

I used to be a self-help junkie. I’m not so much anymore. But there are a few books that I continually go back to when I need relationship advice. In fact, some of these books I’ve lost and purchased again because they were so valuable to me. I’ve read some of them 2 and 3 times.

He’s Just Not that Into You:The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo

My take: You’ve seen the movie. But have you read the book? It really opened my eyes. Although a guy might say one thing, it doesn’t always mean that he’s sincere about it. If a guy truly wants you, he’ll make the effort to show you. You don’t have to convince him you’re the best thing since sliced bread. If he interested, he’ll call. And that’s it. Period.

Editorial Review from Publishers Weekly:
It’s a classic single-woman scenario: you really like this guy, but he’s giving mixed messages. You make excuses, decide he’s confused, afraid of commitment. Behrendt, a former executive story editor for Sex and the City—and a formerly single (now happily married) guy who knows all the excuses—provides a simple answer: he’s just not that into you. Stop kidding yourself, let go and look for someone else who will be. After all, as Behrendt sensibly puts it, “if a (sane) guy really likes you, there ain’t nothing that’s going to get in his way.” If you’re not convinced yet, by all means read this smart, funny and surprisingly upbeat little book, full of q’s and a’s covering every excuse woman has ever made to avoid admitting to herself that a man just wasn’t that smitten with her.

Quotable: Assume you are the rule, not the exception.

Why Men Love Bitches
by Sherry Argov

My take: My aunt kept telling me about this book and I was put off by the title like so many other women probably are. The last thing I want to do is come off like a bitch. When she saw that I wasn’t making a bee line to the bookstore for it and I was still having man problems, she sent it to me in the mail. Boy, was I grateful. I think this book should be taught in school to every teenage girl! Once you get past the title and read its’ contents, you’ll soon discover that this book is really about self respect and establishing boundaries. While I don’t agree with everything the author suggests, I think the principles outlined in the book are great.

Editorial Review from Publishers Weekly:
Contending that some women are “too nice,” comedian and radio show host Sherry Argov has written Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl-A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship. “I’m not recommending that a woman have an abrasive disposition,” Argov writes, “The woman I’m describing is kind yet strong. She doesn’t give up her life, and she won’t chase a man.” Her sassy book is filled with scenarios and advice aimed at making women subtly stronger and self-empowered. Argov’s principles, which range from the farfetched to the downright absurd, include “If you give him a feeling of power, he’ll want to protect you and he’ll want to give you the world” and “A little distance combined with the appearance of self-control makes him nervous that he may be losing you.” The book, which has already been featured on The View and The O’Reilly Factor, should make waves with its controversial view of relationships.

Quotable: It is the attitude about yourself that a man will adopt.

Boundaries in Dating: Making Dating Work
by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

My take: This book was recommended to me by a minister. So, of course, it hinges on Christian principles and that’s part of the reason I like it. The book takes a look at how relationships should be approached as someone who is trying to please God, a position that’s not often taken in the mainstream. I’ve read this book several times. As a matter of fact, I lost the book and went out and bought a new copy. Like Why Men Love Bitches, the book talks about maintaining proper boundaries with your date or potential life-long partner. This is something I struggle with so it’s been very helpful. The book covers everything from honesty and the “blame game” to establishing and maintaining what you will and won’t accept in a relationship.

Review from an amazon.com customer: “Boundaries in dating is about becoming a truthful, caring, responsible, and free person who also encourages growth in those she is in contact with,” the authors write. “Your dating life should be a powerful change agent for you.” Countering the common assumption that dating is limited to “finding the right one,” Cloud and Townsend take the spiritual approach that dating and relating is just as much about “learning about your own issues, how they affect others, and what to do about them.” That dating should bring us closer to God seems to be the authors’ ultimate goal in writing this book.

Quotable: God uses relationships to heal us and to change us. Although we are not suggesting that dating be the primary place that someone seeks healing (this is a horrible idea), it is a place where good things happen in people’s souls. People benefit from good relationships.

What are some books that you’ve found very helpful? Please comment and share.

God gives second chances

The internet is abuzz about Ted Williams, a homeless guy who gets “discovered” the side of the road while panhandling. The discovery was posted on YouTube and set off a chain of events only imagined in the movies. I’m so inspired by this story and I wanted to share.  Check out where it all began:

After viewing, you can’t tell me there isn’t a God.

Life is about choices

I was just thinking that sometimes in life we have to make tough decisions. Sometimes those decisions may initially hurt another individual, but we have to be mindful of our own well being. Just recently I had to make a decision that I’m sure crushed another individual. It crushed me, too. I had to do some deep soul searching and I discovered that I have to make me happy; I have to do what’s in my best interest and what’s conducive for me long term. If I’m not happy, how can bring joy to others? Sometimes I guess at times we have to experience short-term pain for long-term gain. But waiting during the painful part is the hard thing to do. I just pray that I will continue on the path that God has chosen for me and if so, everything will turn out fine.

Letting go

It’s hard to let go of something or someone that you love and cherish. But sometimes it’s the best thing for you. I read once that not everyone is meant to have a front row seat in your life. That’s so true. But that doesn’t make it any easier to let go of those “unhealthy” people or situations that aren’t good for you. When I go thru these things, I just have to remind myself that I’m “in the meantime” and letting go won’t always hurt so bad in the future. I just pray that God will present me with new opportunities for better relationships and better situations. Waiting is the hard part though.

Don’t Go Back to What’s Familiar. . .Nothing has Changed

Someone e-mailed this to me . . .

Robert Frost said, ‘two roads diverged by a yellow wood and sorry I could not travel both, so I took the one less traveled by.’ Often times as God begin to move us into our place of destiny. He comes and snatches us out of unhealthy relationships or situations, only to show us that He has more in store for us and that there is more to you than this.

There are different ways that God reveals to us that we have unhealthy behavioral patterns, unhealthy relationships, and that if we continue in this path that ultimately we will self destruct.

Let me count the ways

The Lord allows us to see what He sees, this is why God tells us to first seek ye the kingdom of heaven and all its righteousness and all these things will be added unto you. Instead, what we do is say that God will give you the desires of my heart, and He will, but again why would God give His children something that isn’t good for them? God has given us free will, in other words, He will not force you to change, but He will allow circumstances to come along that will provoke change in you.

Let’s look at some ways that God has revealed to you not to go back:

*They cheated on you, and you continue to forgive them but you don’t trust them.

*They were late picking you up continuously in your own car

*They tell you that they love you but their actions say something else.

*Baby mama drama, yet you continue to tolerate the foolish behavior.

*They don’t want to go any further in life than where they are and they don’t want you to either.

*They constantly put you down.

*They abuse you.

*They make excuses for not going to church

*They ask you to do sexual exploits (threesome, swinger)

*They do drugs (weed)

*They have a really bad temper

*They criticize you, so on and so forth. I think you are getting my point.

Ask yourself this, why do you want to live in hell? Why are you torturing yourself? Why don’t you believe that you deserve better? The bible calls this a ‘sick bed.’ A sick bed is when you refuse to come out of a situation that is unhealthy, unstable, and unproductive, only for you to end up not ever receiving the life God has for you. There are dreams locked up inside of you, but if you continue down this path, they will not come true because you are tied to the wrong person.

24 Hour Turn Around

Tony Braxton said, it’s been seven long days and not a word from you. The hardest thing about not going back to what’s familiar is the transitional period. When God is delivering you from a situation or a relationship, you go through a grieving process. So instead, of feeling the pain you would rather go back only to numb the pain and prolong the inevitable. What is the inevitable, to know that this is not for you and you continue? Psychologist called this ‘schizophrenia’ when you keep doing the same thing but expecting different results. Nothing or no one changes over night, and who said that you needed or had to stick around TO SEE IF they are going to change. God might not change the situation but He will change you in the situation. The bible says that with the temptation God will make a way of escape. Do not ever think that you don’t have a way out. For every entrance there has to be an exit. Being stuck is not an option unless you make it one.

Smooth Operator

Haven’t you heard and seen it all before. Stop and think about how many times they are going to say they are sorry but continue to do the same thing. Look beyond the flowers, the sex, the beauty, their body, and remember what has happened that brought you to this point in the first place. When are you going to stop listening to what they are saying? It sounds good but in your heart you know it’s not good for you, they will say anything to keep you bound. Don’t allow your heart to override your judgment.

Longing for Yesterday

We often times say that the devil is a liar, and he is. But what we do is make God a liar and the devil the truth. We do this by telling God that He doesn’t have the power to move us forward, to keep us, or deliver us for that matter. We also tell the devil he is the truth because we continue to go back into situations that trip us up. We don’t just fall back into bed with someone, let the truth be told, you decided to go back. You decided that you couldn’t live without them, and that you needed them and that God would understand. You can not serve two masters either you are going to hate one or love the other. Who will you serve God or the devil?

Standing at the Crossroads

Often times, we are blinded by our own desires, that God in His Sovereignty begins to show us what kind of messes we are waddling in. When we go back to what’s familiar, the bible says that ‘it is like a dog returning to its vomit.’ God has brought us out so why would we go back and lick up the lies, the deceit, the perversion, and the very thing or the very acts, and away from unhealthy people in which He has rescued us from. It’s like rescuing someone from drowning but instead of holding on to the person that is trying to save your life, you fight against the help. You will not make this journey on your own.

If you could do this by yourself than why are you still thinking about or going back to what’s familiar. The bible says:

See, I the Lord have set before you

life and death

blessings and cursing;

THEREFORE, CHOOSE LIFE.

Deuteronomy 30:6

God says, I know the plans that I have for you and that they are good and not evil, to give you a future and a hope. The bible says that if your heart turns away so that you do not hear, and are drawn away (back to what’s familiar) then you will perish. One of the greatest and shortest prayers was when Peter begin to sink, he cried “HELP’.

Cry out to Jesus ‘HELP ME.” I don’t want to keep going back to what’s familiar.

God said the day you set your mind, ‘I Heard You’ and Help is on the way. Be Blessed men and women of God.

Making sense of life

I saw this on someone else’s page and I thought it was worth posting here:

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things to wrong so that you can appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you can eventually learn to trust no one but [God and] yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

My story

Ok. So I use wordpress a lot for work-related stuff. I figure it’s time to start for myself. There’s a lot I want to say but don’t necessarily want people to know it’s coming from me. Here’s my first blog thought:

Life is hard with hard lessons. Sometimes God has to just get your attention. You can’t move to the left, you can’t move to the right. You end up flat on your back. He tried to get through to me but I was too busy trying to fix it myself, too busy trying to be my own boss. Well, I get the point now. I trust you, Lord, and most of all I’ve now learned that I need to trust myself and my instincts.

Intuition is a powerful thing. Have you ever looked back on a situation and said, “I knew everything to begin with?” You didn’t have any evidence, no facts, just this overwhelming “something” you get when you’re gut kicks in. I’m no longer going to ignore that something.

Nite